


Violette Oriane Miriana Indigo Twilight Jinn-Kenobi-Windu-Fett-Palpatine-Amidala AKA Rey doesn't have time for Mary-Sue bullshit.

by DeadTeddy



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Jedi, M/M, Mary Sue, New Jedi Order, Padawan!Rey, Super Badass Qui-Wan Fusion Saber, The Jedi didn't die for this, What am I doing with my life?, jedi order, jedi!ben solo, shit post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadTeddy/pseuds/DeadTeddy
Summary: Rey's master is ensnared by a Mary Sue and she's the only one who can save him AKAThe author shouldn't write at 3am





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not

Violette Oriane Miriana Indigo Twilight Jinn-Kenobi-Windu-Fett-Palpatine-Amidala, or V.O.M.I.T for short was like a 14 year old human girl with like, such a tragic bakstori. Wen she was a baby, her pranents abondoned her bcuz she was took perffict and stuff. She wuz left on Jakku for yrs and yrs. she was also treated suuuuuper badly by like, all the other scavengers!!!!1!!!1!1!111 Espicelly this 1 biotch caled Rey1! she was like sooo mean to Violetye bcuz she was totes jealous of her

V.O.M.I.T was a petite girl with skin as pale as snow and stunning, silky smooth and wuz a electric shade of pink dat every1 luved and she had full blood red lips and dark purple eyes dat held all of her inner strugglers and torments within dem. She wuz all suuuuper force sensitive and a super strong life side user (like Rey pretended to be but fuk dat biotch, she was secretly a Sith!!!!1!!!1!!!) 

Wen V.O.M.I.T an Rey wear both nine, sum Jedi cam to Jakku cuz dey sensed a force sensitive waz there. Rey, beng such a hartless biotch. Rey secretly hid V.O.M.I.T und pretended 2 be da sorce of da light on da planet. So, she waz taken 2 b traned whlst V.O.M.I.T waz left dere! She even had da nerve to use 1 of V.O.M.I.T's sirnams as her own n call herself 'Rey Kenobi'. What a pozer biotch! 

So, liyke as da yrs wnt bye, Violette was forcd 2 work as a scvngr on Jakku for the super meanie, Unkar Pultt. But!!!1!1!!!!1 Da frce gosts of all of her annsisters toght her how to be da best Jedi eva! And dn't help Rey wiv her visions (bcuz she was a Sith. Duh!) Even Da Emperor helps becuz seeing how prfect his descdnt wuz mad him go lght. 

So, lyke, wen she waz 14, V.O.M.I.T usd her jedi powers n telprted 2 da temple (bcuz Jesi can do dat, right??????????????) Her plan was dat she wuld prov Rey was a frad den her true master an one tru luv (who totally, lyke was straight and not in love with a particular star pilot!!!!!!1!!!), Ben Solo wuld fall n luv with Violette and take her as his new Padawan and den dey wuld do sexxi stuff. Her plan was totes, lyke fall proof!!!!!!!1!!!! 

\---

Rey had been having a relatively normal day. Her normal classes, followed by midday meditation then a conversation with Luke about Ben (and how adorable he was with Poe). Humming softly to herself, the Padawan had been heading back to the chambers she shared with her master when she singled upon a rather...odd sight. 

Her master (who she was completely sure was as straight as a circle) had been backed against the wall by a human girl who rather resembled one of the prostitutes she had seen on Coruscant. She couldn't be much older than Rey, if she was older at all. This...abomination was currently whispering in her master's ear whilst rubbing her hand up and down his chest. The worst part? Ben seemed to be enjoying it. 

"What exactly is going on here?" She called out as she approached the two. A frown etched itself across her face. The frown only grew when her master stared at her with disgust in his eyes. 

"Why don't you tell me, Rey?" He sneered at her. "If that's even your real name! Violette was telling me about how you grew up on Jakku with her and how you're a Sith and how you tricked us all!" Then he drew his lightsaber and ignited the blue blade (though he was planning on changing the colour to purple to match his lover's eyes) 

Rey was confused for a moment. During her time on Jakku, she'd never seen the girl before! And she most certainly wasn't a Sith! "What do yo-" She cut herself off. That was when it hit her. Rey knew exactly who that girl was. She'd only read about such foul creates in stories. Cruel witches with the ability to warp the minds of those around them. Mary Sues. 

She knew what she had to do. Drawing her Super Badass Qui-Wan Fusion saber© (Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had come up with the name and trademarked it themselves), Rey ignited the blade and faced her master. "You're going to thank me for his later." With that, she rather harshly shoved him out the way as she headed towards the Sue. 

Of course, being a Sue, V.O.M.I.T already had her one of a kind unique pink and glittery sparkesaber® out and was ready to face Rey. 

Though, seeing as she knew nothing of this Universe and was simply a Sue after the heart of the ZOMG Super hawt Ben Solo/Kylo Ren, she had no idea how to even create a lightsaber. In fact, it was just a glittery toilet paper tube with a pink torch glued inside. It did nothing to stop Rey. 

The Super Badass Qui-Wan Fusion Saber© cut through the Sue with ease. With a last, "OMFG! Ur such a biotch!", she exploded into a puff of pink glitter. 

There was silence for a few moments between Ben and Rey. Neither Master nor Padawan knew what to say. Eventually; Ben uttered simply 'Let's never speak of this ever again'

**Author's Note:**

> I'm literally just a human shit post


End file.
